
C. Leslie Charles - Guest Blogger
(This is part 1 of a 2 part guest blog series from C. Leslie Charles, Speaker and Author. Leslie provided keynote remarks for the 2011 SCHA-MI Annual Meeting.)
A friend of mine often facilitates a two-day training called “Crucial Conversations,” based on the book of the same title. One of her favorite moments in the class is when participants proclaim that they know a lot of people who need the training (acting as if they are exempt from the good ideas presented). She says it happens every time and it always prompts a knowing smile.
The wise and witty Edwin Newman once said, “The obscure we see eventually, the completely obvious takes longer.” Maybe, if you’ve been ever greeted with one of those embarrassing “blinding flashes of the obvious,” (as we all have), you can relate to his words. I certainly can.
We all know it’s easier to see someone else’s flaws than our own. Similarly, it’s often easier to spot someone else’s unconscious habits or tics than our own, from absent-minded gum snapping, unchecked fidgeting, excessive head nodding, or unmindful throat clearing, we all have habits that may not register with us but they certainly do with others. The above are physical habits of which we may be clueless but there are also mental habits that evade us as well.
Take your thoughts for example. How often do you think about what you’re thinking? And what do you suppose is the percentage of negative thoughts you have? Some experts suggest that 90% of what we think about is of a negative vein; just think about the cumulative effect that can have on our mental and physical health!
We talk a lot about stress these days but a lot of people act as if stress is just something you have to learn to live with, like height, eye color, or the presence of a pesky relative you’d rather not claim as part of your gene pool.
Well, guess again: thinking habits, like physical ones (no matter how firmly entrenched they may be) are learned behaviors, and whatever has been learned can be unlearned and relearned. You may be thinking that while the learning, unlearning, and relearning may sound simple, it’s way more complicated than that and you’re right.
A POINT WORTH STRESSING
And here is an important point: though it takes some work, the process of giving up a habit (physical or mental) and replacing it with something else, something more positive or healthy, is doable. Considering the amount of stress in our society (hint: think about your own life, your own stress level, for example) when it comes to the habits that affect our everyday attitude or outlook, making some positive changes is often advisable and sometimes essential!
Stress isn’t something you catch (though unwanted events or the antics and demands of other people can prompt feelings of frustration, threat, or other unsavory emotions). Stress is something you create, whether you know it or not. Forgive me for asking, but how many unconscious stressors do you trigger on a daily basis in your own life? This a subject I touched on in my keynote at SCHA-MI’s Annual Meeting in Mount Pleasant on October 28, 2011 (I loved the theme “Heroes of Healthcare: Celebrating the Hero in You”) and considered it well deserved.
Having visited both a school based and community Center I was taken aback at the little-known, highly unrecognized work you do. Just like fantasy super heroes (and sheroes) you don’t dominate the main or center stage in your work to improve the mental and physical health care to those who need it. Your work is done deftly, quietly, competently, and without fanfare, off in the wings.
But to those whose lives you touch in a formative moment of their lives you are The Force and I hope you never forget that. Your work is critical to populations that often overlooked, under acknowledged, and under treated. Truth be told, it doesn’t really take a super hero to do your job, but it can take a super effort to unite diverse professionals through persuasive partnerships and a common purpose.
I encourage you to acknowledge that when you take super care of yourself and make a super effort to connect with others you need to work with (even if they aren’t completely convinced) the more prepared you are to take care of others in the long term.
If you ever get overwhelmed with the challenges of your job (or life), or frustrated with the social imperfections or inconsistencies in your community, consider the lot of the freshwater pearl. Born of adversity, pearls, like each of us, are irregular in size, shape, color, and texture, and they often have minor flaws. Yet each pearl is unique, just like you or me, just like the populations you serve.
Thanks to your efforts, you strive for a safer, healthier future for those who might otherwise be bereft and vulnerable. Perhaps the pearl’s inspiring metaphor can help you consistently sustain your best efforts mentally, physically, and spiritually, even in less than ideal circumstances. By helping others smooth out life’s rough edges, one day, they may do the same in turn: we both touch and are touched by others and never know when we leave a legacy to be passed along.